There are a lot of reasons why a mother becomes emotionally unavailable to her family. Maybe she wasn’t showy enough because she works too much, or perhaps your mother just wasn’t the type who would prioritize her family whenever she’s stressed. Whatever it is, it surely has nothing to do with the family members’ character and personality. If in case you feel anything like this is happening to your life right now, always remember that you are not alone. And if you chose to shut down and disconnect from your emotions, know that there are better ways to help you get through the situation.
The Significance Of Attachment
To recover from an emotionally unavailable and emotionally abusive mother, you need to understand that it has so much to do with attachment. It is a fundamental thing that tells you about the importance of safe comfort and foundation. No matter how much you risk exploring the world, you can always go back to the most reliable place where specific people will support you no matter what. And without attachment, things are expected to fall apart as it can lead to a lot of negative things. It can lead to your struggle in managing your emotions, where everything you feel is overwhelming. In some unfortunate instances, it makes you see things as “not okay.”
Without getting the right level of attachment from your mother, things are all different. Not only do you not receive that soothing and comforting feeling, but you also lose the ability to become emphatic towards others. Because without attachment, you wouldn’t be able to learn to express yourself better. As a result, it makes you struggle in dealing with relationships, whether friendship, family, or romantic ones. It can make you feel unsafe and uncomfortable with anything that is emotionally driven. It can impact your life in so many ways.
Not everyone is privileged enough to be with a mother who supports, appreciates, loves, and cares. Perhaps you know someone who struggles to accept the reality that they do not have one. But for those people like you who physically see their moms but are not engaged in anything with them, that’s a different story. Thus, it is important to note that it is vital that you heal from that experience. But how can you get better? How can you heal from an emotionally exhausting relationship with your mother?
Understanding Where It Comes From
One of the family’s common mistakes is when they assume that recovering from an emotionally unavailable mother is impossible. Indeed, the struggle is real, and there is no guarantee that once you feel stable, things will positively change for the better. However, when you begin to understand the reasons behind your mother’s emotional unavailability, you can have a better chance of accepting things as they are. Soon, you will become aware of finding better solutions to your mental and emotional problems.
When you grew up without having an emotionally attached mother, you often snuff out all your emotions. Sometimes, you forget that you are capable of getting hurt. Usually, the mental and emotional struggle starts when you are a kid. You hear this child voices in your head that tell you to need to become like this or that. Unfortunately, that voice is not there to help. Instead, it negatively influences you to become more distant with yourself and other people around you. It affects your way of thinking, decision-making, as well as your ability to connect socially. That is not a good thing at all.
Most people often feel lonely and isolated because they lack emotional attachment from someone they wished to have. That is because they know that they are not always capable of self-soothing. Like them, you can say that comfort from a mother is the best remedy to the unwanted things in your life. But without the mothering softness, you feel lost and incomplete.
The Sad Reality
All people, including you, desire a mother-child bonding and relationship. So when there is no connection, to begin with, it becomes so stressful, exhausting, and depressing. Sometimes it gets you to become easily jealous of someone who receives motherly attention. In some instances, you begin to imagine this world where you create a perfect mother that will care and love you. It sounds entirely sad, but that is almost a hundred percent part of the truth.
The process of healing from an emotionally absent mother is not easy. Sometimes, you sacrifice things you never thought you should. It makes you want to retaliate and somewhat become in control. Perhaps that is because you feel the depths of the pain, but there is nothing you can do to get rid of it. With this unfortunate moment, please remind yourself that even if you have an emotionally unavailable mother, you are more worthy of love.