Parenting Tips

I had experienced what most parents fear whenever their child reaches adolescence, and I used to think that some people who said it’s hard are exaggerating. I was thinking to myself, “My daughter will be the same little person I used to carry and cuddle around. It’s not like she’s transforming into some monster!”

When my daughter turned 15, she met a lot of different people at school. She was influenced by how they thought, acted, and dresses. There were times I stopped her from leaving the house because she was wearing something that never for a thousand years will I be thinking of wearing. She told me, “Mom, it’s the 21st century, duh!” She also skipped class, and there was a time I found a pack of cigarettes in her pocket while I was doing the laundry. I heard her curse, and there was even a time when she came home past her curfew all smelling alcohol.

I know and I believe it was my fault as I was too busy making a living, but what can I do? I had to! Her dad left us when she was seven, and ever since then, I had been working double to make sure she gets the same opportunity as other kids. I don’t want her to pity herself and feel the absence of her dad.

One day, I was called to the principal’s office because she was failing. Her adviser said she’s afraid she’s not going to move up if she continues to misbehave. I then said to myself, “I don’t want this life for her, and I know where this is heading. I love her so much, and I’m her only parent. I have to do everything in my power to wean her from this path.”

Her adviser and I then discussed the things we could do to help my daughter, and I really appreciated her concern. She advised me about bringing my daughter to counseling. Maybe she could benefit from it. I listened to her and browsed the internet. I read through every therapist profile until I thought I found the best person to help my daughter. We then visited the clinic and right there and then, the therapist and I set our expectations, and to my relief, I thought that was it.

I Expect Counseling To Help My Daughter:

• Understand her worth, that she is too special to waste her life
• Think twice about taking her education for granted
• Respect herself not to wear clothes which are not appropriate for her
• Give importance to her health and stop drinking and smoking
• Remember her dreams that we used to talk about
• See me as her best friend and that there is nothing else I want for her but the best

Sometimes, it’s hard to accept that you cannot help your child first hand. Initially, I couldn’t bear the thought that I needed somebody else to help my daughter get through her teenage crisis – It should have been me who’s helping her.” However, I am confident that I made the right decision of searching for counseling near me to get my daughter back. Perhaps it could turn all my expectations to reality.

There is a limited education on how a mentally ill mother can do her best to ensure an attachment and healthy relationship with her family and children. That is because people have this ideology that when a mother is mentally ill, she cannot do a lot of things. However, that is entirely not true. Despite dealing with a psychological problem, an individual can still manage life and relationships. It might come with some added tasks due to the responsibilities she has to consider for her mental wellness, but it does not mean the whole process is impossible. Here are some of the things a mother can do to handle parenting better while dealing with severe mental health issues.

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Actively Engage In Clinical Treatment

Most times, a mother who is dealing with a mental health problem finds it completely challenging to engage in mental health treatment. She does not take it seriously. She does not listen to professional advice, does not attend to her therapy appointments, and does not regularly work on self-help guidelines. Understandably, that is because a mother always prioritizes other responsibilities rather than looking through her mental wellness. But that cycle should end there. Motherhood partnered with a mental health issue is very complicated. So for her to able to provide the love and care her children and family deserves, she must care for her mental needs first. She needs to take medications regularly and attend therapy sessions, especially if that is something that professional experts advised her to do.

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Work Together With The Family

A mother can get too attached to her responsibilities that she often forgets to take care of herself. As a result, she develops mental health issues due to the pressure and stress of juggling everything. Sometimes, a mother tends to lose control and hurt herself physically, emotionally, and mentally. When that is the case, a mother should understand the importance of seeking help. She should start working with the family because they are the first individuals they can rely on. She has to admit that she needs assistance and wants her family to be there for her. She needs to manage her emotions and thoughts to make home life more stable for the whole family, especially the kids.

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Get An Outside Support

A mother with a mental health problem often suffers in silence. That is because as much as possible, she doesn’t want her family to worry about her situation. But things can get a little too much for her at times. That is why some days are just too exhausting not only for her but for everyone in the house. With that, a mother should seek outside support. It could be friends, colleagues, relatives, and therapists. Typically, it is whomever she needs that can offer her a safe space to vent out perhaps some of the things she can’t share with the family. A mother needs space too. And not because she is capable of doing almost everything, that doesn’t mean she should handle her mental health needs all by herself.

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Always Prioritize Self-Care

An everyday struggle with mental health is different. Things are not always the same, and some issues are too much to handle. Unfortunately, for a mother, she can entirely ignore the effects of mental damage because of the eagerness to secure the family’s needs. Not knowing that her mental wellness is supposed to be her first priority. With that, it is entirely essential that she recognizes the things she has to do or at least ignore some of the problems that pretty much don’t matter. A mother should remind herself that she should better navigate her emotions to handle everyday setbacks. A mother needs to focus on taking care of herself as much as she had to. She can do it by pampering herself once in a while. As long as she can maintain balance, she can handle stress.

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Takeaway

Just any life decisions and relationships, a mother needs to be mindful about ensuring her overall health to be able to care for her loved ones. She needs to remember that mental illness should not stop her from having a family, doing what she is passionate about, and being happy with life. She deserves to have it all despite having a mental health issue. It is vital that she recognize the need for a break from time to time. A mother should acknowledge her strengths and weaknesses to make the best decisions for herself and everyone around her.

If you know a person who might be dealing with a mental health issue, reach out to them. Let the people know that you understand what they are going through despite not being on their shoes. Remind them to take care of mental wellness first. That way, they can care for others up to the best they can.

There are a lot of reasons why a mother becomes emotionally unavailable to her family. Maybe she wasn’t showy enough because she works too much, or perhaps your mother just wasn’t the type who would prioritize her family whenever she’s stressed. Whatever it is, it surely has nothing to do with the family members’ character and personality. If in case you feel anything like this is happening to your life right now, always remember that you are not alone. And if you chose to shut down and disconnect from your emotions, know that there are better ways to help you get through the situation.

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The Significance Of Attachment

To recover from an emotionally unavailable and emotionally abusive mother, you need to understand that it has so much to do with attachment. It is a fundamental thing that tells you about the importance of safe comfort and foundation. No matter how much you risk exploring the world, you can always go back to the most reliable place where specific people will support you no matter what. And without attachment, things are expected to fall apart as it can lead to a lot of negative things. It can lead to your struggle in managing your emotions, where everything you feel is overwhelming. In some unfortunate instances, it makes you see things as “not okay.”

Without getting the right level of attachment from your mother, things are all different. Not only do you not receive that soothing and comforting feeling, but you also lose the ability to become emphatic towards others. Because without attachment, you wouldn’t be able to learn to express yourself better. As a result, it makes you struggle in dealing with relationships, whether friendship, family, or romantic ones. It can make you feel unsafe and uncomfortable with anything that is emotionally driven. It can impact your life in so many ways.

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Not everyone is privileged enough to be with a mother who supports, appreciates, loves, and cares. Perhaps you know someone who struggles to accept the reality that they do not have one. But for those people like you who physically see their moms but are not engaged in anything with them, that’s a different story. Thus, it is important to note that it is vital that you heal from that experience. But how can you get better? How can you heal from an emotionally exhausting relationship with your mother?

Understanding Where It Comes From

One of the family’s common mistakes is when they assume that recovering from an emotionally unavailable mother is impossible. Indeed, the struggle is real, and there is no guarantee that once you feel stable, things will positively change for the better. However, when you begin to understand the reasons behind your mother’s emotional unavailability, you can have a better chance of accepting things as they are. Soon, you will become aware of finding better solutions to your mental and emotional problems.

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When you grew up without having an emotionally attached mother, you often snuff out all your emotions. Sometimes, you forget that you are capable of getting hurt. Usually, the mental and emotional struggle starts when you are a kid. You hear this child voices in your head that tell you to need to become like this or that. Unfortunately, that voice is not there to help. Instead, it negatively influences you to become more distant with yourself and other people around you. It affects your way of thinking, decision-making, as well as your ability to connect socially. That is not a good thing at all.

Most people often feel lonely and isolated because they lack emotional attachment from someone they wished to have. That is because they know that they are not always capable of self-soothing. Like them, you can say that comfort from a mother is the best remedy to the unwanted things in your life. But without the mothering softness, you feel lost and incomplete.

The Sad Reality

All people, including you, desire a mother-child bonding and relationship. So when there is no connection, to begin with, it becomes so stressful, exhausting, and depressing. Sometimes it gets you to become easily jealous of someone who receives motherly attention. In some instances, you begin to imagine this world where you create a perfect mother that will care and love you. It sounds entirely sad, but that is almost a hundred percent part of the truth.

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The process of healing from an emotionally absent mother is not easy. Sometimes, you sacrifice things you never thought you should. It makes you want to retaliate and somewhat become in control. Perhaps that is because you feel the depths of the pain, but there is nothing you can do to get rid of it. With this unfortunate moment, please remind yourself that even if you have an emotionally unavailable mother, you are more worthy of love.

As a parent, your children rely on you for their safety, both physically and mentally. More so, as we live through the COVID-19 pandemic, your children will need your warmth and attention more than ever. But as an individual, you too are feeling the stress brought by the uncertainties of the pandemic. How can you manage your own emotions while fulfilling your role as a mother? 

You cannot separate yourself from being a parent and being a worrying citizen like other people. Therefore you have to create a balance for yourself while being a dependable parent to your children. Your maternal instinct is needed as you help your family thrive during this time of a global crisis. Here are some ways you can do that:

Create Stability At Home 

According to Gayla Margolin, PhD, USC Dornsife professor of psychology and pediatrics and expert on family dynamics, “Parents should not undermine the reality of the situation or be dismissive of children’s fears.”

She adds, “Conveying specific information about how the family will cope can be reassuring.” Make a routine every day to help your children find direction, keep themselves busy, and calm.

Do also remember that your kids are listening. As much as you want to express your fears and anxieties, broadcasting it in front of your kids can make them worry more. To create a secured and stable home, make sure that you are being cautious about what they’re hearing and watching, not just in various media outlets but also on what you’re telling them. 

Avoid invalidating your children’s fears as well. You have to talk to them and give out information about the pandemic that they can easily digest. In that way, your children remain informed. All members of the family have the responsibility to keep each other safe and educated.      

A stable home can help your children be at ease and help you to become more relaxed as we continue to live on the “new normal.” As a mother, knowing that your children are okay can also give you the peace of mind you will need during these trying times.

Take Care Of Your Mental Health

Parenting is already hard enough, but parenting in a time of a pandemic can be much harder. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. No mother had themselves prepared to deal with a global disease. Look after yourself as much as you take care of your family.  

Create a new daily routine, involving ways in which you can have time to enjoy and relax. Watch your favorite TV shows or movies. Finish the book you have bookmarked on since last year. Discover new relaxation techniques and try various hobbies. Let this time become an opportunity for you to discover yourself more.

If you’re working from home, make a fixed schedule to help you organize your tasks. Arranging the things you have to do will ensure that you’re fulfilling your roles in work and inside your home.   

If you have specific needs, make sure you have prescription medicines in your home. Talk to a mental health professional if the overwhelming emotions are getting out of hand. Search for available support groups online. 

Stay Connected

You don’t have to keep your emotions to yourself. Bottling up emotions will only lead to outbursts, and you might direct it to your kids at some point. There are many ways you can reach out to your relatives and friends online. Discuss your fears and worries to them and receive tips in handling family life amidst the COVID-19 pandemic. 

However, don’t stay online for too long. The internet can be a vile place, and it might add stress to you. Drop social media when you feel it’s affecting your mental health. Tune in with yourself by doing activities such as exercising or cooking healthy meals. Stay connected with yourself first and foremost.

Avoid Making Speculations

Reading unreliable news can increase your fears and hinder you from functioning effectively. Make sure you’re only getting information from trusted sources. Since the pandemic is a health issue, get news from the World Health Organization (WHO) or the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). You can get objective information, avoiding unnecessary anxiety to cloud your judgment. 

Make sure that your family is following guidelines to help limit the spread of the disease. Wear masks when going outside, clean your hands regularly, have a healthy diet, and avoid crowded places. Fabricating speculations that are not factual can only create confusion inside your family. 

It’s normal to feel vulnerable and overwhelmed. Acknowledge your feelings and work through it. No one is expecting you to be perfect during this time. And you’re capable of leading them; you are a woman, strong and smart.

When it comes to staying in a marriage and being in love, it is essential that you know some of the practical ways on how to keep the fire burning. The first thing that you have to understand is that no relationship is perfect. There will always be some problems and disagreements that will affect your relationship with your spouse. This is the primary reason why it is necessary to spice up the marriage every now and then. One of the ways on how you could make this happen is to keep on surprising your husband. Paint a smile on your partner’s face by coming up with exciting surprises that will melt his heart.

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The sad reality in this life is that divorce can happen to anyone, even if the couple does not want to get one. Unfortunately, some couples are not meant to stay forever. These are the people who will only have endless fights and arguments the more they remain together. Because of this, there is nothing left for them to go but to part ways.

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The moment you give birth to your first child is the moment that will bring a lot of changes in your marriage. This is something that you need to prepare for. No matter what you do, there will always come a time where having a kid will change something in your relationship with the other spouse. Do not worry because this change is not harmful. In fact, if you are aware of how to handle it properly, everything in your life is going to end up well.

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Getting married is probably one of the best things to happen in your life. It feels good to be able to find someone who truly understands and accepts everything about you. You will have more reasons to be happy with life now that you have married the person you want to share and spend the rest of your life with. Marriage life is not going to be a smooth ride, but it is a journey that you will want to embark on for the rest of your lives together. Many things could change your relationship with the other spouse, one of which is pregnancy.

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One of the most significant life changes that could happen to a woman is becoming a mother. Nothing compares to the feeling of happiness whenever a woman finds out that she is going to give birth to her child soon. For sure, everything would seem perfect in the beginning. However, as the days or months go by, there is a high tendency that the same individual may experience anxiety and stress. A pregnant woman is more likely to feel fears especially when she has no idea how to raise a child.  If you are going through the same experience, then this article is perfect for you.

Fortunately, there are now several methods available to expecting mothers like you. Nowadays, you can already read books or watch videos about motherhood. At the same time, there are already websites that talk about the basics of pregnancy and labor. Another option available for you is going through therapy. And if you want to know more about therapy, visit BetterHelp.com. But before that, below is a list of the benefits therapy could bring in your life as you start to embracing motherhood:

Eliminates Stress

Talking to a therapist can make you feel more relaxed than ever. You will be amazed at how this professional could instantly take all your stressors away. A good therapist knows the proper questions to ask as well as the right activities for you. All you need to do is to show up during the sessions and be sure to participate so that the process of eliminating stress becomes easy. Neel Burton M.D. suggests that “If you continue to struggle with stress, discuss the issue with a professional or seek relaxation training. ”

 Helps You Find Comfort

The period of pregnancy could be a complete rollercoaster ride. There will be several nights when you could not sleep or days when you are not sure about what to do. Luckily, you can always get in touch with a therapist who could help you find comfort in your situation. He can help you understand what is going on in your body so that you can prevent panic. He can also advise you to do things that can secure your emotional and mental health.

Improves Your Mental Health

Take note that whatever you are feeling can affect the well being of your baby. This is the reason why you must make it a top priority to improve your mental health. As much as possible, make exercise part of your daily habit. Additionally, it is wise to find time to connect with a therapist. He can give you some ideas on how to work on making yourself feel better. “Integrating mental health care in primary care settings represents the most effective way to seek out individuals in need of care.” says Scott Breitinger, M.D.

Removes Anxiety

An excellent therapist can also help you get over anxiety attacks. Pregnancy can make you worry about several aspects of your life. You may think that the family is not yet financially ready to have a baby or that giving birth may have adverse effects on your body. Feeling all these things is normal, but if you do it on a regular basis, then it could be dangerous for your child. “People with anxiety often fixate on worst-case scenarios,” Tamar Chansky, Ph.D. explains. A quick talk or consultation with a therapist is ideal since it can remove your anxiety.

Final Thoughts On Embracing Motherhood

Being pregnant or becoming a mother is one of the best things that could happen in your life. Embracing motherhood with open arms. Let a therapist help you in the process and allow them to contribute to your overall betterment.