Mother’s Self Care

I had a different mindset from my same-aged friends regarding dating when I was growing up. While they were busy worrying about boys as soon as they hit the puberty stage, I buried my face in books. While they kept trying to sneak out of their houses to meet their boyfriends, I was studying hard, perfectly comfortable in my bedroom. In my head, dating could wait until I had a stable job.

This mindset stemmed from the fact that that’s what my mother did when she was young. She did not come from a wealthy family; she grabbed it with both hands o when the opportunity came to earn a college degree. Of course, Mom had suitors at school, but she turned them all down and remained focused on her personal goals. Everything paid off when she became a doctor and eventually met my father, who was already a successful businessman back then.

The financial stability that I grew up with did not stop me from wanting to make a name for myself someday. If anything, it pushed me to try to be successful in my own right. And that’s what I did, you know. After high school, I went on to become an architect and began designing buildings and hotels. Five years later, I opened my firm and found the love of my life. It was as if there was nothing that could make me unhappy.

Until Losses Rained On My Parade

I honestly thought that I found Mr. Right in John. I met him through friends. He was a businessman like my father and had always been sweet to everyone. Even when we were already dating exclusively, John did not cease sending flowers to my house or firm. Because of that, I did not hesitate to accept his marriage proposal in 2008.

The wedding preparations went on for three months. Much to our surprise, I got pregnant a month before the ceremony, and this fantastic news caused us to speed things up further so that I could still fit in my gown. A week after that, I became Mrs. Butler, and I was over the moon.

Unfortunately, our happiness seemed short-lived since the economic crisis affected my husband’s business too much that he had to close it. I offered to give him a loan, but he did not want to take my money. Still, John could not say no when I began paying for our bills and car mortgages. He could only promise to pay it all back once the Great Depression was over.

I assumed things would calm down after that. I was always at the firm, so I merely saw my husband at night. However, when I came home past 9 p.m. due to a long discussion with my team about a project, I found John drinking in the kitchen. I greeted him and blabbed about how tiring my day was, but his eyes were filled with anger and insecurity as he asked if I was taking a cheap shot at his unemployment.

“No,” I replied immediately. “I’m just saying I’m tired, that’s all.”

I walked across the room to hug my husband, but he swung his arm to push me away. I did not know if John knew how much force was into that swing, but it caused me to land on my bottom – hard. The next thing I knew, I was already sitting in a growing pool of blood, and John stared at me with a horrified expression before I blacked out.

When I woke up at the hospital, my entire body ached. John was not in the room, but my parents were. Tearfully, Mom informed me that I lost my baby. At the time, I was too numb to feel or do anything, but I recalled bits and pieces of information that my mother told me about my situation.

Can miscarriage cause mood swings? 

Yes, miscarriage can cause mood swings. The primary reason behind this is the hormonal changes that a woman experiences after losing her unborn child. After all, before the miscarriage, a woman’s body is set to adjust itself to accommodate the growing fetus. But when the pregnancy gets terminated, the body needs to make adjustments again, and that process pushes her to deal with a rollercoaster of emotions.

What are the emotional effects of a miscarriage? 

A miscarriage can make you feel a wide array of emotions, considering you have lost someone you love. Granted, you have never met before, but you may experience various stages of grief because of it. At first, you may be in utter shock or feel too numb to cry for your unborn child. When you start feeling again, you may blame yourself or someone else for the loss and spiral down into depression.

It matters to go through all these emotions since the opposite of that is bottling up everything and unable to move on from your miscarriage.

How long does it take for the body to recover from a miscarriage? 

A woman’s body typically recovers from a miscarriage from four to eight weeks. Nevertheless, the longer you have been pregnant, the longer it may take for you to get rid of your pregnancy hormones. Once you start to menstruate again, it entails that your body has fully recovered.

Can you have PTSD after a miscarriage? 

Yes, you can have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after a miscarriage. That is true whether you experience this type of loss early or late in the pregnancy, given that you have lost your child before even meeting them.

The thing is, you may not realize immediately that the miscarriage has traumatized you. Many women report that they get PTSD symptoms at least a year after the incident.

Should you rest after miscarriage? 

Yes, you should rest after dealing with a miscarriage. That is especially necessary during the first 24 hours, considering you need to watch out for excessive bleeding, fever, and other signs of infection. If you notice these indications, let your doctor know at once.

However, even when you get discharged from the hospital, you should consider taking a few days or weeks off to boost your physical and emotional well-being. After all, a miscarriage is a massive deal, and it is not easy to accept that you have lost a child – even an unborn one.

What should you not do after a miscarriage? 

The primary thing you should not do right after a miscarriage is doing sexual activities. Some couples tend to show their optimism for the future by getting pregnant again quickly, but it should not happen until the doctor says the woman can resume having sex. She needs time to heal inside, and doing the horizontal tango too soon will not help the process.

Since a miscarriage typically causes the woman to experience menstrual-like bleeding a few days afterward, you should prepare sanitary napkins instead of tampons. The simple reason is that the latter goes in the vagina, and that may increase your chances of catching an infection.

How do you get a flat stomach after a miscarriage? 

• Eat healthily. It may not be the first tip you want to hear when your goal is to get a flat stomach post-miscarriage, but eating healthily ensures that you do not fill yourself with snacks and processed foods and drinks. Thus, your metabolism will improve.
• Face and accept every emotion you experience after a miscarriage. Again, it does not sound ideal for grieving women, but you must do it to avoid feeling depressed and overly stressed. These issues may push you to start binge-eating – a habit that will not help you lose weight.
• Try abdominal exercises. The more they make your heart pump more blood, the more you can guarantee their effectiveness.

How will I know if miscarriage is complete? 

When you are going through a miscarriage, you tend to bleed and feel pain for days. That is normal, especially if you have experienced miscarriage early and you are letting the tissue go down naturally. You can tell that the process is complete once you are no longer bleeding or in pain.

Can you go straight back to work after a miscarriage? 

The answer depends on what caused your miscarriage and how pregnant you were when it happened. Assuming you are still in the first trimester, then you may be able to go back to work as soon as the doctor gives you a signal to do so. However, if you are in the second or third trimester or due to stillbirth or ectopic pregnancy, you most likely need to get a C-section to remove the unborn child from the womb. In that case, you cannot go straight back to work immediately.

Is a miscarriage considered bereavement? 

A miscarriage is technically not considered bereavement – the decision depends on what companies categorize as such. The reason is that a miscarriage is a particular case that no one can ever prepare for. Some believe that it meets the requirements for a paid sick leave, while others specifically put it under bereavement leave.

How much blood do you lose in a miscarriage? 

The answer depends on how long you have been pregnant. Despite that, miscarriage typically starts with spotting. The more your cervix opens after that, the more blood will come out. If the miscarriage happened in the first trimester, the embryo leaves the uterus as blood, too.

Can you take a bath after a miscarriage? 

Yes, you can take a bath after miscarriage – losing your unborn child is not an excuse to forget personal hygiene. In truth, some doctors may recommend it, given that you want to avoid getting an infection. In case you have had a C-section, you may wrap your belly before cleaning yourself or ask for a sponge bath. The only thing you should forgo is swimming right after a miscarriage since you are still bleeding then.

What should I eat after a miscarriage? 

• Calcium-Rich Foods: As the fetus grows in the womb, the mother’s calcium supply tends to deplete. Thus, when you experience miscarriage, you must stock up on more calcium to keep your bones healthy.
• Iron-Rich Foods: Miscarriage causes bleeding, so you need to eat foods that contain a lot of iron. This nutrient is essential in replenishing your blood supply.
• Magnesium-Rich Foods: Magnesium is a vital nutrient that is supposed to combat depression – a mental disorder that most expectant mothers fall into after a miscarriage.

Can I work during a miscarriage?

Yes, you can technically work during a miscarriage, especially if you only experience moderate bleeding and slight pain. Though some doctors may encourage you not to do it, you still have the final say on the matter. Nonetheless, if you have miscarried due to a more severe cause – e.g., ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, etc. – it is advisable to avoid working until your body recovers completely.

Final Thoughts

My parents said that I dealt with my miscarriage like a champ. For one, I got rid of my primary stressor – my husband. After what happened, I could not even bear to look at him, so I asked my lawyer to start processing our divorce papers at once. John did not file a counter-affidavit, which made the dissolution of our marriage faster.

Then, I moved back to my parents’ home for a while, considering I had to be surrounded by my loved ones. The OB-GYN specialist did not require me to go on long bed rest, but I still took a month off to focus on myself.

After everything, my only regret was that I didn’t get to hold my child, but hopefully, I’d get to do that someday.

Pregnancy and giving birth is a period of preparation and anticipation. However, anxiety amid the COVID-19 pandemic, expectant mothers may feel added fear and anxiety. As a mother, you want only the best for your newborn infant. At this moment, all of us are going extra miles to protect ourselves from harm brought by the virus. The anxiety that a pregnant woman experiences may even feel doubled now. How can you adjust your prenatal preparation in this uncertain time?

Prenatal Check-Up
You might be asking yourself, “Is it safe to continue my prenatal checkups?” Prenatal visits are highly essential to ensure the excellent condition of your health and your baby’s health. Given the current situation, physical distancing is the optimum measure that we can do to help avoid further spreading the virus, and healthcare appointments are affected by this policy.

More and more healthcare professionals are offering telehealthcare. Try to ask your obstetrician if there are available options to them that can decrease your clinic visits, depending on your pregnancy risks. It may also be helpful to obtain a copy of your health records, including your history of prenatal care, in the case of disruption or change in the services of your healthcare provider. Alex Peahl, M.D., says, “We have three key recommendations for patients receiving routine prenatal care: Limit clinic visits to those that require in-person services (like ultrasounds and lab tests); encourage virtual visits for care that can be done remotely; provide support to pregnant women creatively.”

Ask your doctor what the safest way to hold these checkups is. Be open with them and ask for guidance if you have any concerns about your health or your baby’s health. Your doctor is the person who knows best what actions you should take during this time.

Where Should You Give Birth?
If you’re planning to give birth in a hospital or a healthcare clinic, it’s better to ask your midwife or your doctor where they assess would be the safest place for you to give birth. Giving birth at this particular time is indeed tricky. It may vary depending on your condition and from situation to situation.  

You may consider giving birth at home if your doctor deems possible. With the proper guidance and preparation, home birth can be a safe option for you to deliver your baby. 

During and After Delivery
You might be worried about spending time in the hospital during and after your delivery. As much as possible, hospitals are trying to minimize the number of people that come to their facility. They are strengthening the rules and protocols to further enhance the physical distancing inside the facility. Medical staff also put extra care on the isolation of wards of COVID-19 patients from other patients.

If you don’t have any complications in delivery, it may be possible to go home sooner with the advice of your doctor. You can discuss this in advance to your doctor before your birth. 

It is also vital to have someone beside you when you give birth, especially at this sensitive time, to provide you with support and encouragement. Having someone beside you during this time is very logical because it can help ease worry and anxiousness. 

Anxiety

Ways of coping with anxiousness for expectant mothers vary from their condition and state of mind. Having a plan in place for your prenatal care can help give you a sense of control, but given the current circumstances, your planning may depend on the situation of where you live.

What you can do for starters is to decide on who you should call and what set of actions you should take when labor begins. 

Shopping for your baby’s needs can also help you relax and be excited for when the baby comes out. As a part of your prenatal care, make sure that you consume only healthy food and drinks, and avoid getting stressed. Try to do meditation, yoga, or music therapy to boost your mental and emotional health. 

Conclusion
The best thing you can do at this time is to take all the necessary precautions to keep yourself safe. Try to practice home quarantine as much as possible to avoid any unnecessary contact from other people. 

If you have had contact from someone who confirmed favorable to having COVID-19 or you experience any symptoms, it is best to call your doctor first before coming in for a checkup. Based on your symptoms, they can determine whether you qualify for testing and evaluation. 

It is vital to establish a trusting relationship with your doctor or healthcare provider. Follow instructions from your doctor promptly to avoid any problems before, during, and after giving birth. 

Why I Believe Breastfeeding Isn’t For Every Mom

Many experts tout breast milk as the best food a mother can give her baby. Posters and pictures all depict a rosy image of breastfeeding – a smiling mother and a contented-looking baby latching on to her breast. No one thing indicated that breastfeeding could be problematic; nothing that showed it could be nightmarish.

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For breastfeeding moms out there, your sense of fashion doesn’t have to take the back burner now that you have a baby and you’ve decided to breastfeed him or her. This post is about how to look fabulous and fashionable even with your tiny tot in tow and without denting your budget.

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For soon-to-be mothers, carrying a baby for nine months is stressful enough as it is. However, the moment after giving birth poses even higher risks not only for the baby but also for the mother’s health.

Women’s hormones go into a highly unstable state after birthing. It causes a couple of psychological issues such as mood swings, feeling of isolation, helplessness, and lack of self-esteem, among others. These, along with other stressors right after giving birth, make up for what is now commonly known as postpartum depression (PPD). To understand more about this condition, visit BetterHelp.com for helpful information.

What Is Postpartum Depression?

Postpartum depression affects one in seven mothers. Susan Hatters Friedman, MD, wrote, “As a society, we expect it to be the happiest time of a woman’s life. A lot of women don’t report if they’re having symptoms.” It should not be confused with the baby blues syndrome, as postpartum depression is more severe.

Postpartum depression is severe in that it can last longer and can include suicidal thoughts or being unable to take care of their newborn. Usually, it happens right after giving birth due to sudden hormonal changes that the woman experiences. To add to this, the stress of going through drastic physical changes, lack of sleep, and the process of healing after childbirth contribute to the development of postpartum depression.

At the onset, it may seem like postpartum depression only affects mothers. But it affects the entire family in a myriad of ways.

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First, it will cause a disconnect between the woman and her partner since the woman may feel like she is not getting the support she needs. The emotional gap will soon take over their lives negatively.

Second, the newborn/child will not get the attachment and bonding s/he needs to grow healthily. Ellen Hendriksen, PhD, wrote that “this goes way beyond taking awhile to bond, which is normal.” Studies even show that it has long-term effects on children. This behavior from the mother may contribute to the child growing up with cognitive disorders, lack of social skills, and issues with emotional attachment. It may stem from the mother forming an irrational dislike for her child or neglecting tasks like feeding and taking good care of the baby.

Lastly, it also influences the mother’s relationship with her other social circles. PPD isolates the mother and disallows her to rebuild meaningful connections even with long-term friends.

How To Treat Postpartum Depression?

Despite the severity of PPD, it can be effectively treated once diagnosed. The most vital way is to create a secure bond with your baby, which can be as simple as holding your baby as much as you can. Respond gently and kindly whenever the baby does something, as it will spark the connection between you and the child.

Remembering that you are not alone in motherhood is also a great help for mothers. Rosalind S. Dorlen, PsyD, suggests that you “talk openly about your feelings with your spouse, family, friends, and healthcare professionals.” Mothers need to make time for their friends by inviting them over for coffee or letting them help take care of the baby. Doing so will not only help ward off the feeling of isolation in the mother but can also aid in relieving her stress.

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Aside from support from friends, it is the best time to rely on the mother’s partner instead of braving the stress alone. They are sure to help through this tough time, and the mother should maintain trust and confidence, however hard it is.

Of course, do not forget to take care of yourself too. It is a necessity that you need to prioritize. Several triggers for postpartum depression are also related to physical changes happening to the woman’s body, such as hair loss and weight gain. To help with this, mothers can try slowly easing back to mild exercise or taking vitamins.

Motherhood is stressful, but with the proper support system, it certainly doesn’t have to be depressing. Congratulations, new moms!

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We’re all too familiar with the motherhood archetype. It depicts a prim and proper woman who has it all together. She is a great wife, an excellent cook, and a diligent PTA meeting attendee. She does everything over again the next day. She is a woman who knows all the how-tos of motherhood and doesn’t complain one bit. How many mothers haven’t rolled their eyes or got pressured by this picture-perfect idea once in their lives? Let me tell you—just a few to none.

So What’s The Deal?

For the longest time, society has told women several times that motherhood is a job and a vocation. And there has just been too many lunch dates with veteran mom friends that turned into self-doubting sessions. Instead of catching up with friends, it turned into thinking whether we’re doing worse or less compared to them. There had only been enough “You’re a mother. Own it!” and “Why aren’t you staying at home with your kids? Why are you using that product? Enroll your kid in this and that. Quit your job! Don’t neglect motherhood!” before you get so beat down by all these external pressures. But one thing they do not tell you is this: it’s okay. Surprise! You’re not just a mother.

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It happens way too often—you spend years on your career only for your peers to ignore you once you push out a baby. Suddenly, you are solely a mom. You’re no longer a doctor, a writer, an artist, an engineer, or whoever you were nine months prior.

There is nothing terrible with accepting that maybe you are defined by your motherhood at the moment. If you have chosen to quit your job for your baby, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But just the same, owning who you are and acknowledging that being a mom is only one part of you is just as acceptable. It doesn’t mean that you love your child any less; it’s just that you have the mental capacity to know you are someone more.

Own Yourself

High expectations cause many mothers to get so unnecessarily guilty, thinking that they aren’t enough for their children. But in reality, they are doing just fine. Own yourself. You’ll realize sooner or later that that is more important than just owning motherhood.

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Remember that you can be so much more than only being a mother. The bottom line is you are not JUST a mom. You are also a sister, a daughter, a friend, a wife, or a professional. You are not defined by how many diapers you were able to change, how many playdates you were able to do, or how often your kid cries at night.

Let us do away with caging women in motherhood because being caged is what they are going to feel—trapped instead of fulfilled. Rather, let’s begin looking at motherhood as what it is—a regular part of a woman’s life. It’s not her title and never what defines her.

Working in the world of psychology for years and being a mother at the same time can never be a walk in the park. Some people might say, “It can’t be as difficult as what we deal with every day. At least, you know how to soothe a kid who throws a tantrum or handle stress well because of your profession.” Others also tend to think that being a psychologist entails that the latter always has a few tricks up their sleeves to coax a child to do as they are told since that is a part of their training.

Despite that, people might be forgetting that psychologists are not baby whisperers. A few may specialize in working with children, but many typically understand what adults are going through only. A more significant issue with having this profession is that they become mentally and emotionally exhausted at work, but then those areas need to function at home to understand what the kids want and need. Hence, like a lot of parents out there, psychologists do not have it easy.

This is one of the reasons why such professionals have started turning to arts and crafts to alleviate their stress. One specific activity that gains attention these days is embroidery.

What Makes Embroidery Special?

Picking up embroidery as a hobby is not a random fad that bored people have started. A lot of moms have decided to knit and sew because it allows them to put their phones down and do something with their hands. This form of distraction seems to be better than using a fidget spinner or solving a puzzle since you get to create something useful with a needle and a bunch of threads or yarns.

How Do I Find A Reliable Embroidery Machine?

Assuming embroidery is more than a pastime for you now and you want to start a side business that involves selling embroidered shirts, mug sleeves, beanies, and many more, you want to opt for practicality. You need to find a reliable machine that will help you produce such items. Here are a few tips on how you can do that.

1. Study The Sewing Surface

Take into consideration the kind of designs that you wish to embroider. If you are a new mother, then you may want to do a bit of monogramming on your baby’s bib and onesies. If you sew for a living, you require an embroidery machine that has a larger surface so that you will not have problems with the size of the design that you are going to create.

2. Find Out If Designs Are Built-In Or Not

A lot of apparatuses, specifically the digitalized ones, have patterns built into the system to make the embroidering process more stress-free for the crafty individuals. The number of designs that an embroidery machine has mostly depends on how generous the brand is instead of the dimensions of the sewing field. Some devices with bigger surfaces have smaller design counts and vice versa. This is vital to know beforehand since getting an embroidery instrument that has over a hundred stored patterns means that you do not need to upload extra in the machine.

3. Check The Functionality Of The LCD Screen

Modernized devices for embroidery are equipped with LCD to let you scrutinize every bit of the design before and during the embroidering procedure. Such screens should be touch-capacitive as well because it is impractical to only have a little window for display.

The basic idea is that you should be able to carry out most or all of the commands through that LCD. A few things that you are supposed to do with embroidery machine are enlarging the design, turning the cloth over, automatically cutting the thread, putting pressure on the foot presser, and placing the thread mechanically on the needles, among others.

4. Get One With A USB Port And Memory Bank

Although it has been mentioned that it is favorable to obtain an embroidery machine that has many in-built designs, it will not hurt to purchase an apparatus that has its memory, too. That is especially essential if you have come across the latest pattern and you would like to keep it in there. Having a USB port is also an excellent as it will allow you to plug and unplug your design-filled flash drive whenever it is time for you to sew. Due to these features, you can make sure that all the patterns you embroider are up-to-date.

In The End

An embroidery machine needs to make the procedure less taxing for your body and mind, in general. If the device gives you an urge to unwind the threads and plan the designs yourself, then that is not the right one for you. Choose the best embroidery machine now with the help of the tips above.

Good luck!