I had experienced what most parents fear whenever their child reaches adolescence, and I used to think that some people who said it’s hard are exaggerating. I was thinking to myself, “My daughter will be the same little person I used to carry and cuddle around. It’s not like she’s transforming into some monster!”
When my daughter turned 15, she met a lot of different people at school. She was influenced by how they thought, acted, and dresses. There were times I stopped her from leaving the house because she was wearing something that never for a thousand years will I be thinking of wearing. She told me, “Mom, it’s the 21st century, duh!” She also skipped class, and there was a time I found a pack of cigarettes in her pocket while I was doing the laundry. I heard her curse, and there was even a time when she came home past her curfew all smelling alcohol.
I know and I believe it was my fault as I was too busy making a living, but what can I do? I had to! Her dad left us when she was seven, and ever since then, I had been working double to make sure she gets the same opportunity as other kids. I don’t want her to pity herself and feel the absence of her dad.
One day, I was called to the principal’s office because she was failing. Her adviser said she’s afraid she’s not going to move up if she continues to misbehave. I then said to myself, “I don’t want this life for her, and I know where this is heading. I love her so much, and I’m her only parent. I have to do everything in my power to wean her from this path.”
Her adviser and I then discussed the things we could do to help my daughter, and I really appreciated her concern. She advised me about bringing my daughter to counseling. Maybe she could benefit from it. I listened to her and browsed the internet. I read through every therapist profile until I thought I found the best person to help my daughter. We then visited the clinic and right there and then, the therapist and I set our expectations, and to my relief, I thought that was it.
I Expect Counseling To Help My Daughter:
Understand her worth, that she is too special to waste her life
Think twice about taking her education for granted
Respect herself not to wear clothes which are not appropriate for her
Give importance to her health and stop drinking and smoking
See me as her best friend and that there is nothing else I want for her but the best
Sometimes, it’s hard to accept that you cannot help your child first hand. Initially, I couldn’t bear the thought that I needed somebody else to help my daughter get through her teenage crisis – It should have been me who’s helping her.” However, I am confident that I made the right decision of searching for counseling near me to get my daughter back. Perhaps it could turn all my expectations to reality.
I had a different mindset from my same-aged friends regarding dating when I was growing up. While they were busy worrying about boys as soon as they hit the puberty stage, I buried my face in books. While they kept trying to sneak out of their houses to meet their boyfriends, I was studying hard, perfectly comfortable in my bedroom. In my head, dating could wait until I had a stable job.
This mindset stemmed from the fact that that’s what my mother did when she was young. She did not come from a wealthy family; she grabbed it with both hands o when the opportunity came to earn a college degree. Of course, Mom had suitors at school, but she turned them all down and remained focused on her personal goals. Everything paid off when she became a doctor and eventually met my father, who was already a successful businessman back then.
The financial stability that I grew up with did not stop me from wanting to make a name for myself someday. If anything, it pushed me to try to be successful in my own right. And that’s what I did, you know. After high school, I went on to become an architect and began designing buildings and hotels. Five years later, I opened my firm and found the love of my life. It was as if there was nothing that could make me unhappy.
Until Losses Rained On My Parade
I honestly thought that I found Mr. Right in John. I met him through friends. He was a businessman like my father and had always been sweet to everyone. Even when we were already dating exclusively, John did not cease sending flowers to my house or firm. Because of that, I did not hesitate to accept his marriage proposal in 2008.
The wedding preparations went on for three months. Much to our surprise, I got pregnant a month before the ceremony, and this fantastic news caused us to speed things up further so that I could still fit in my gown. A week after that, I became Mrs. Butler, and I was over the moon.
Unfortunately, our happiness seemed short-lived since the economic crisis affected my husband’s business too much that he had to close it. I offered to give him a loan, but he did not want to take my money. Still, John could not say no when I began paying for our bills and car mortgages. He could only promise to pay it all back once the Great Depression was over.
I assumed things would calm down after that. I was always at the firm, so I merely saw my husband at night. However, when I came home past 9 p.m. due to a long discussion with my team about a project, I found John drinking in the kitchen. I greeted him and blabbed about how tiring my day was, but his eyes were filled with anger and insecurity as he asked if I was taking a cheap shot at his unemployment.
“No,” I replied immediately. “I’m just saying I’m tired, that’s all.”
I walked across the room to hug my husband, but he swung his arm to push me away. I did not know if John knew how much force was into that swing, but it caused me to land on my bottom – hard. The next thing I knew, I was already sitting in a growing pool of blood, and John stared at me with a horrified expression before I blacked out.
When I woke up at the hospital, my entire body ached. John was not in the room, but my parents were. Tearfully, Mom informed me that I lost my baby. At the time, I was too numb to feel or do anything, but I recalled bits and pieces of information that my mother told me about my situation.
Can miscarriage cause mood swings?
Yes, miscarriage can cause mood swings. The primary reason behind this is the hormonal changes that a woman experiences after losing her unborn child. After all, before the miscarriage, a woman’s body is set to adjust itself to accommodate the growing fetus. But when the pregnancy gets terminated, the body needs to make adjustments again, and that process pushes her to deal with a rollercoaster of emotions.
What are the emotional effects of a miscarriage?
A miscarriage can make you feel a wide array of emotions, considering you have lost someone you love. Granted, you have never met before, but you may experience various stages of grief because of it. At first, you may be in utter shock or feel too numb to cry for your unborn child. When you start feeling again, you may blame yourself or someone else for the loss and spiral down into depression.
It matters to go through all these emotions since the opposite of that is bottling up everything and unable to move on from your miscarriage.
How long does it take for the body to recover from a miscarriage?
A woman’s body typically recovers from a miscarriage from four to eight weeks. Nevertheless, the longer you have been pregnant, the longer it may take for you to get rid of your pregnancy hormones. Once you start to menstruate again, it entails that your body has fully recovered.
Can you have PTSD after a miscarriage?
Yes, you can have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after a miscarriage. That is true whether you experience this type of loss early or late in the pregnancy, given that you have lost your child before even meeting them.
The thing is, you may not realize immediately that the miscarriage has traumatized you. Many women report that they get PTSD symptoms at least a year after the incident.
Should you rest after miscarriage?
Yes, you should rest after dealing with a miscarriage. That is especially necessary during the first 24 hours, considering you need to watch out for excessive bleeding, fever, and other signs of infection. If you notice these indications, let your doctor know at once.
However, even when you get discharged from the hospital, you should consider taking a few days or weeks off to boost your physical and emotional well-being. After all, a miscarriage is a massive deal, and it is not easy to accept that you have lost a child – even an unborn one.
What should you not do after a miscarriage?
The primary thing you should not do right after a miscarriage is doing sexual activities. Some couples tend to show their optimism for the future by getting pregnant again quickly, but it should not happen until the doctor says the woman can resume having sex. She needs time to heal inside, and doing the horizontal tango too soon will not help the process.
Since a miscarriage typically causes the woman to experience menstrual-like bleeding a few days afterward, you should prepare sanitary napkins instead of tampons. The simple reason is that the latter goes in the vagina, and that may increase your chances of catching an infection.
How do you get a flat stomach after a miscarriage?
Eat healthily. It may not be the first tip you want to hear when your goal is to get a flat stomach post-miscarriage, but eating healthily ensures that you do not fill yourself with snacks and processed foods and drinks. Thus, your metabolism will improve.
Face and accept every emotion you experience after a miscarriage. Again, it does not sound ideal for grieving women, but you must do it to avoid feeling depressed and overly stressed. These issues may push you to start binge-eating – a habit that will not help you lose weight.
Try abdominal exercises. The more they make your heart pump more blood, the more you can guarantee their effectiveness.
How will I know if miscarriage is complete?
When you are going through a miscarriage, you tend to bleed and feel pain for days. That is normal, especially if you have experienced miscarriage early and you are letting the tissue go down naturally. You can tell that the process is complete once you are no longer bleeding or in pain.
Can you go straight back to work after a miscarriage?
The answer depends on what caused your miscarriage and how pregnant you were when it happened. Assuming you are still in the first trimester, then you may be able to go back to work as soon as the doctor gives you a signal to do so. However, if you are in the second or third trimester or due to stillbirth or ectopic pregnancy, you most likely need to get a C-section to remove the unborn child from the womb. In that case, you cannot go straight back to work immediately.
Is a miscarriage considered bereavement?
A miscarriage is technically not considered bereavement – the decision depends on what companies categorize as such. The reason is that a miscarriage is a particular case that no one can ever prepare for. Some believe that it meets the requirements for a paid sick leave, while others specifically put it under bereavement leave.
How much blood do you lose in a miscarriage?
The answer depends on how long you have been pregnant. Despite that, miscarriage typically starts with spotting. The more your cervix opens after that, the more blood will come out. If the miscarriage happened in the first trimester, the embryo leaves the uterus as blood, too.
Can you take a bath after a miscarriage?
Yes, you can take a bath after miscarriage – losing your unborn child is not an excuse to forget personal hygiene. In truth, some doctors may recommend it, given that you want to avoid getting an infection. In case you have had a C-section, you may wrap your belly before cleaning yourself or ask for a sponge bath. The only thing you should forgo is swimming right after a miscarriage since you are still bleeding then.
What should I eat after a miscarriage?
Calcium-Rich Foods: As the fetus grows in the womb, the mother’s calcium supply tends to deplete. Thus, when you experience miscarriage, you must stock up on more calcium to keep your bones healthy.
Iron-Rich Foods: Miscarriage causes bleeding, so you need to eat foods that contain a lot of iron. This nutrient is essential in replenishing your blood supply.
Magnesium-Rich Foods: Magnesium is a vital nutrient that is supposed to combat depression – a mental disorder that most expectant mothers fall into after a miscarriage.
Can I work during a miscarriage?
Yes, you can technically work during a miscarriage, especially if you only experience moderate bleeding and slight pain. Though some doctors may encourage you not to do it, you still have the final say on the matter. Nonetheless, if you have miscarried due to a more severe cause – e.g., ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, etc. – it is advisable to avoid working until your body recovers completely.
My parents said that I dealt with my miscarriage like a champ. For one, I got rid of my primary stressor – my husband. After what happened, I could not even bear to look at him, so I asked my lawyer to start processing our divorce papers at once. John did not file a counter-affidavit, which made the dissolution of our marriage faster.
Then, I moved back to my parents’ home for a while, considering I had to be surrounded by my loved ones. The OB-GYN specialist did not require me to go on long bed rest, but I still took a month off to focus on myself.
After everything, my only regret was that I didn’t get to hold my child, but hopefully, I’d get to do that someday.
There is a limited education on how a mentally ill mother can do her best to ensure an attachment and healthy relationship with her family and children. That is because people have this ideology that when a mother is mentally ill, she cannot do a lot of things. However, that is entirely not true. Despite dealing with a psychological problem, an individual can still manage life and relationships. It might come with some added tasks due to the responsibilities she has to consider for her mental wellness, but it does not mean the whole process is impossible. Here are some of the things a mother can do to handle parenting better while dealing with severe mental health issues.
Actively Engage In Clinical Treatment
Most times, a mother who is dealing with a mental health problem finds it completely challenging to engage in mental health treatment. She does not take it seriously. She does not listen to professional advice, does not attend to her therapy appointments, and does not regularly work on self-help guidelines. Understandably, that is because a mother always prioritizes other responsibilities rather than looking through her mental wellness. But that cycle should end there. Motherhood partnered with a mental health issue is very complicated. So for her to able to provide the love and care her children and family deserves, she must care for her mental needs first. She needs to take medications regularly and attend therapy sessions, especially if that is something that professional experts advised her to do.
Work Together With The Family
A mother can get too attached to her responsibilities that she often forgets to take care of herself. As a result, she develops mental health issues due to the pressure and stress of juggling everything. Sometimes, a mother tends to lose control and hurt herself physically, emotionally, and mentally. When that is the case, a mother should understand the importance of seeking help. She should start working with the family because they are the first individuals they can rely on. She has to admit that she needs assistance and wants her family to be there for her. She needs to manage her emotions and thoughts to make home life more stable for the whole family, especially the kids.
Get An Outside Support
A mother with a mental health problem often suffers in silence. That is because as much as possible, she doesn’t want her family to worry about her situation. But things can get a little too much for her at times. That is why some days are just too exhausting not only for her but for everyone in the house. With that, a mother should seek outside support. It could be friends, colleagues, relatives, and therapists. Typically, it is whomever she needs that can offer her a safe space to vent out perhaps some of the things she can’t share with the family. A mother needs space too. And not because she is capable of doing almost everything, that doesn’t mean she should handle her mental health needs all by herself.
Always Prioritize Self-Care
An everyday struggle with mental health is different. Things are not always the same, and some issues are too much to handle. Unfortunately, for a mother, she can entirely ignore the effects of mental damage because of the eagerness to secure the family’s needs. Not knowing that her mental wellness is supposed to be her first priority. With that, it is entirely essential that she recognizes the things she has to do or at least ignore some of the problems that pretty much don’t matter. A mother should remind herself that she should better navigate her emotions to handle everyday setbacks. A mother needs to focus on taking care of herself as much as she had to. She can do it by pampering herself once in a while. As long as she can maintain balance, she can handle stress.
Just any life decisions and relationships, a mother needs to be mindful about ensuring her overall health to be able to care for her loved ones. She needs to remember that mental illness should not stop her from having a family, doing what she is passionate about, and being happy with life. She deserves to have it all despite having a mental health issue. It is vital that she recognize the need for a break from time to time. A mother should acknowledge her strengths and weaknesses to make the best decisions for herself and everyone around her.
If you know a person who might be dealing with a mental health issue, reach out to them. Let the people know that you understand what they are going through despite not being on their shoes. Remind them to take care of mental wellness first. That way, they can care for others up to the best they can.
There are a lot of reasons why a mother becomes emotionally unavailable to her family. Maybe she wasn’t showy enough because she works too much, or perhaps your mother just wasn’t the type who would prioritize her family whenever she’s stressed. Whatever it is, it surely has nothing to do with the family members’ character and personality. If in case you feel anything like this is happening to your life right now, always remember that you are not alone. And if you chose to shut down and disconnect from your emotions, know that there are better ways to help you get through the situation.
The Significance Of Attachment
To recover from an emotionally unavailable and emotionally abusive mother, you need to understand that it has so much to do with attachment. It is a fundamental thing that tells you about the importance of safe comfort and foundation. No matter how much you risk exploring the world, you can always go back to the most reliable place where specific people will support you no matter what. And without attachment, things are expected to fall apart as it can lead to a lot of negative things. It can lead to your struggle in managing your emotions, where everything you feel is overwhelming. In some unfortunate instances, it makes you see things as “not okay.”
Without getting the right level of attachment from your mother, things are all different. Not only do you not receive that soothing and comforting feeling, but you also lose the ability to become emphatic towards others. Because without attachment, you wouldn’t be able to learn to express yourself better. As a result, it makes you struggle in dealing with relationships, whether friendship, family, or romantic ones. It can make you feel unsafe and uncomfortable with anything that is emotionally driven. It can impact your life in so many ways.
Not everyone is privileged enough to be with a mother who supports, appreciates, loves, and cares. Perhaps you know someone who struggles to accept the reality that they do not have one. But for those people like you who physically see their moms but are not engaged in anything with them, that’s a different story. Thus, it is important to note that it is vital that you heal from that experience. But how can you get better? How can you heal from an emotionally exhausting relationship with your mother?
Understanding Where It Comes From
One of the family’s common mistakes is when they assume that recovering from an emotionally unavailable mother is impossible. Indeed, the struggle is real, and there is no guarantee that once you feel stable, things will positively change for the better. However, when you begin to understand the reasons behind your mother’s emotional unavailability, you can have a better chance of accepting things as they are. Soon, you will become aware of finding better solutions to your mental and emotional problems.
When you grew up without having an emotionally attached mother, you often snuff out all your emotions. Sometimes, you forget that you are capable of getting hurt. Usually, the mental and emotional struggle starts when you are a kid. You hear this child voices in your head that tell you to need to become like this or that. Unfortunately, that voice is not there to help. Instead, it negatively influences you to become more distant with yourself and other people around you. It affects your way of thinking, decision-making, as well as your ability to connect socially. That is not a good thing at all.
Most people often feel lonely and isolated because they lack emotional attachment from someone they wished to have. That is because they know that they are not always capable of self-soothing. Like them, you can say that comfort from a mother is the best remedy to the unwanted things in your life. But without the mothering softness, you feel lost and incomplete.
The Sad Reality
All people, including you, desire a mother-child bonding and relationship. So when there is no connection, to begin with, it becomes so stressful, exhausting, and depressing. Sometimes it gets you to become easily jealous of someone who receives motherly attention. In some instances, you begin to imagine this world where you create a perfect mother that will care and love you. It sounds entirely sad, but that is almost a hundred percent part of the truth.
The process of healing from an emotionally absent mother is not easy. Sometimes, you sacrifice things you never thought you should. It makes you want to retaliate and somewhat become in control. Perhaps that is because you feel the depths of the pain, but there is nothing you can do to get rid of it. With this unfortunate moment, please remind yourself that even if you have an emotionally unavailable mother, you are more worthy of love.
As a parent, your children rely on you for their safety, both physically and mentally. More so, as we live through the COVID-19 pandemic, your children will need your warmth and attention more than ever. But as an individual, you too are feeling the stress brought by the uncertainties of the pandemic. How can you manage your own emotions while fulfilling your role as a mother?
You cannot separate yourself from being a parent and being a worrying citizen like other people. Therefore you have to create a balance for yourself while being a dependable parent to your children. Your maternal instinct is needed as you help your family thrive during this time of a global crisis. Here are some ways you can do that:
Create Stability At Home
According to Gayla Margolin, PhD, USC Dornsife professor of psychology and pediatrics and expert on family dynamics, “Parents should not undermine the reality of the situation or be dismissive of children’s fears.”
She adds, “Conveying specific information about how the family will cope can be reassuring.” Make a routine every day to help your children find direction, keep themselves busy, and calm.
Do also remember that your kids are listening. As much as you want to express your fears and anxieties, broadcasting it in front of your kids can make them worry more. To create a secured and stable home, make sure that you are being cautious about what they’re hearing and watching, not just in various media outlets but also on what you’re telling them.
Avoid invalidating your children’s fears as well. You have to talk to them and give out information about the pandemic that they can easily digest. In that way, your children remain informed. All members of the family have the responsibility to keep each other safe and educated.
A stable home can help your children be at ease and help you to become more relaxed as we continue to live on the “new normal.” As a mother, knowing that your children are okay can also give you the peace of mind you will need during these trying times.
Take Care Of Your Mental Health
Parenting is already hard enough, but parenting in a time of a pandemic can be much harder. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. No mother had themselves prepared to deal with a global disease. Look after yourself as much as you take care of your family.
Create a new daily routine, involving ways in which you can have time to enjoy and relax. Watch your favorite TV shows or movies. Finish the book you have bookmarked on since last year. Discover new relaxation techniques and try various hobbies. Let this time become an opportunity for you to discover yourself more.
If you’re working from home, make a fixed schedule to help you organize your tasks. Arranging the things you have to do will ensure that you’re fulfilling your roles in work and inside your home.
If you have specific needs, make sure you have prescription medicines in your home. Talk to a mental health professional if the overwhelming emotions are getting out of hand. Search for available support groups online.
You don’t have to keep your emotions to yourself. Bottling up emotions will only lead to outbursts, and you might direct it to your kids at some point. There are many ways you can reach out to your relatives and friends online. Discuss your fears and worries to them and receive tips in handling family life amidst the COVID-19 pandemic.
However, don’t stay online for too long. The internet can be a vile place, and it might add stress to you. Drop social media when you feel it’s affecting your mental health. Tune in with yourself by doing activities such as exercising or cooking healthy meals. Stay connected with yourself first and foremost.
Avoid Making Speculations
Reading unreliable news can increase your fears and hinder you from functioning effectively. Make sure you’re only getting information from trusted sources. Since the pandemic is a health issue, get news from the World Health Organization (WHO) or the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). You can get objective information, avoiding unnecessary anxiety to cloud your judgment.
Make sure that your family is following guidelines to help limit the spread of the disease. Wear masks when going outside, clean your hands regularly, have a healthy diet, and avoid crowded places. Fabricating speculations that are not factual can only create confusion inside your family.
It’s normal to feel vulnerable and overwhelmed. Acknowledge your feelings and work through it. No one is expecting you to be perfect during this time. And you’re capable of leading them; you are a woman, strong and smart.
Pregnancy and giving birth is a period of preparation and anticipation. However, anxiety amid the COVID-19 pandemic, expectant mothers may feel added fear and anxiety. As a mother, you want only the best for your newborn infant. At this moment, all of us are going extra miles to protect ourselves from harm brought by the virus. The anxiety that a pregnant woman experiences may even feel doubled now. How can you adjust your prenatal preparation in this uncertain time?
Prenatal Check-Up You might be asking yourself, “Is it safe to continue my prenatal checkups?” Prenatal visits are highly essential to ensure the excellent condition of your health and your baby’s health. Given the current situation, physical distancing is the optimum measure that we can do to help avoid further spreading the virus, and healthcare appointments are affected by this policy.
More and more healthcare professionals are offering telehealthcare. Try to ask your obstetrician if there are available options to them that can decrease your clinic visits, depending on your pregnancy risks. It may also be helpful to obtain a copy of your health records, including your history of prenatal care, in the case of disruption or change in the services of your healthcare provider. Alex Peahl, M.D., says, “We have three key recommendations for patients receiving routine prenatal care: Limit clinic visits to those that require in-person services (like ultrasounds and lab tests); encourage virtual visits for care that can be done remotely; provide support to pregnant women creatively.”
Ask your doctor what the safest way to hold these checkups is. Be open with them and ask for guidance if you have any concerns about your health or your baby’s health. Your doctor is the person who knows best what actions you should take during this time.
Where Should You Give Birth? If you’re planning to give birth in a hospital or a healthcare clinic, it’s better to ask your midwife or your doctor where they assess would be the safest place for you to give birth. Giving birth at this particular time is indeed tricky. It may vary depending on your condition and from situation to situation.
You may consider giving birth at home if your doctor deems possible. With the proper guidance and preparation, home birth can be a safe option for you to deliver your baby.
During and After Delivery You might be worried about spending time in the hospital during and after your delivery. As much as possible, hospitals are trying to minimize the number of people that come to their facility. They are strengthening the rules and protocols to further enhance the physical distancing inside the facility. Medical staff also put extra care on the isolation of wards of COVID-19 patients from other patients.
If you don’t have any complications in delivery, it may be possible to go home sooner with the advice of your doctor. You can discuss this in advance to your doctor before your birth.
It is also vital to have someone beside you when you give birth, especially at this sensitive time, to provide you with support and encouragement. Having someone beside you during this time is very logical because it can help ease worry and anxiousness.
Ways of coping with anxiousness for expectant mothers vary from their condition and state of mind. Having a plan in place for your prenatal care can help give you a sense of control, but given the current circumstances, your planning may depend on the situation of where you live.
What you can do for starters is to decide on who you should call and what set of actions you should take when labor begins.
Shopping for your baby’s needs can also help you relax and be excited for when the baby comes out. As a part of your prenatal care, make sure that you consume only healthy food and drinks, and avoid getting stressed. Try to do meditation, yoga, or music therapy to boost your mental and emotional health.
Conclusion The best thing you can do at this time is to take all the necessary precautions to keep yourself safe. Try to practice home quarantine as much as possible to avoid any unnecessary contact from other people.
If you have had contact from someone who confirmed favorable to having COVID-19 or you experience any symptoms, it is best to call your doctor first before coming in for a checkup. Based on your symptoms, they can determine whether you qualify for testing and evaluation.
It is vital to establish a trusting relationship with your doctor or healthcare provider. Follow instructions from your doctor promptly to avoid any problems before, during, and after giving birth.
When it comes to staying in a marriage and being in love, it is essential that you know some of the practical ways on how to keep the fire burning. The first thing that you have to understand is that no relationship is perfect. There will always be some problems and disagreements that will affect your relationship with your spouse. This is the primary reason why it is necessary to spice up the marriage every now and then. One of the ways on how you could make this happen is to keep on surprising your husband. Paint a smile on your partner’s face by coming up with exciting surprises that will melt his heart.
The sad reality in this life is that divorce can happen to anyone, even if the couple does not want to get one. Unfortunately, some couples are not meant to stay forever. These are the people who will only have endless fights and arguments the more they remain together. Because of this, there is nothing left for them to go but to part ways.