Finding Healing: Empowering Yourself To Handle Your Struggle With Miscarriage

I had a different mindset from my same-aged friends regarding dating when I was growing up. While they were busy worrying about boys as soon as they hit the puberty stage, I buried my face in books. While they kept trying to sneak out of their houses to meet their boyfriends, I was studying hard, perfectly comfortable in my bedroom. In my head, dating could wait until I had a stable job.

This mindset stemmed from the fact that that’s what my mother did when she was young. She did not come from a wealthy family; she grabbed it with both hands or when the opportunity came to earn a college degree. Of course, Mom had suitors at school, but she turned them all down and remained focused on her personal goals. Everything paid off when she became a doctor and eventually met my father, who was already a successful businessman back then. Mental health problems were not an issue at all.

Like A Horse With Blinders, I Was Laser Focused For My Future

The financial stability that I grew up with did not stop me from wanting to make a name for myself someday. If anything, it pushed me to try to be successful in my own right. And that’s what I did, you know. When I finished high school, I went on to become an architect and began designing buildings and hotels.

Five years ago, I made a decision that would forever change my life. I decided to open up my own business and pursue my dreams of becoming an entrepreneur. Despite all the odds stacked against me, I was determined to make it happen and put every ounce of energy into making sure it succeeded.

Then Love Found Me At The Right Moment

It took me two long years before I finally opened the doors of my firm, but when I did, there was nothing that could stop me from achieving greatness. My hard work had paid off, and soon enough, customers were flooding in with inquiries about what services we provided. It seemed like everything was going according to plan until one day, something unexpected happened – love found its way into my life!

I met him by chance at one of our client’s office parties and immediately felt sparks fly between us both. We couldn’t keep our eyes off each other, and conversation just flowed naturally between us as if time stood still while we talked together for hours on end. After that night, he became an integral part of my life and filled it with joy beyond measure!

Five years later, here we are today: My firm is thriving more than ever before, customers are happier than ever with the services we provide them, and most importantly – he has become the love of my life! There’s nothing that can make me unhappy now because this is exactly how things should have been all along – perfect in every single way!

Coping with mental health problem post pregnancy loss.
Source: pixabay.com

Until Losses Rained On My Parade

I honestly thought that I found Mr. Right in John. I met him through friends. He was a businessman like my father and had always been sweet to everyone. Even when we were already dating exclusively, John did not cease sending flowers to my house or firm. Because of that, I did not hesitate to accept his marriage proposal in 2008.

The wedding preparations went on for three months. Much to our surprise, I got pregnant a month before the ceremony, and this fantastic news caused us to speed things up further so that I could still fit in my gown. A week after that, I became Mrs. Butler, and I was over the moon. Unfortunately, our happiness seemed short-lived since the economic crisis affected my husband’s business too much that he had to close it. I offered to give him a loan, but he did not want to take my money. Still, John could not say no when I began paying for our bills and car mortgages. He could only promise to pay it all back once the Great Depression was over.

I assumed things would calm down after that. I was always at the firm, so I merely saw my husband at night. However, when I came home past 9 p.m. due to a long discussion with my team about a project, I found John drinking in the kitchen. I greeted him and blabbed about how tiring my day was, but his eyes were filled with anger and insecurity as he asked if I was taking a cheap shot at his unemployment.

“No,” I replied immediately. “I’m just saying I’m tired, that’s all.”

I walked across the room to hug my husband, but he swung his arm to push me away. I did not know if John knew how much force was into that swing, but it caused me to land on my bottom – hard. The next thing I knew, I was already sitting in a growing pool of blood, and John stared at me with a horrified expression before I blacked out.

And When It Rains, It Pours

I groggily opened my eyes, my entire body aching. I was in a hospital room, and although John wasn’t there with me, both of my parents were. Mom’s face was streaked with tears as she informed me that I had lost the baby.

At first, I felt nothing—just an overwhelming numbness—but soon enough, the reality of what had happened began to sink in. My mom filled me in on some key details: A few weeks ago, during a routine check-up at the doctor’s office, they discovered something was wrong with our unborn child; it appeared that he or she might have been suffering from some kind of birth defect, but we didn’t know any specifics at this point. The doctor had asked me if I had any previous prenatal loss, and I said no. We decided to continue monitoring the pregnancy until we knew more about what was going on inside me.

Unfortunately, yesterday morning, when we went back for a follow-up appointment, things had taken a turn for the worse; it seemed like whatever issue our baby had been facing had worsened significantly overnight and now posed too great of a risk for either one of us to carry out the pregnancy safely any longer. The doctor suggested that termination would be beneficial for both me and our unborn child, so after much deliberation and intense feelings of anger and heartache, this is what we chose to do…and here I am now, waking up from surgery feeling completely empty inside while trying desperately not to think about all those dreams I once held so close–dreams of having children playing around my feet someday soon.

Frequently Asked Questions About Stillbirth Depression

Miscarriage can be incredibly draining physically, psychologically, and emotionally. It is not uncommon for women who have experienced miscarriages to grapple with a range of complex and intense emotions, even depression. As a matter of fact, a large number of women who experience miscarriages also go through post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression. Here are our comprehensive answers to some of the most common questions surrounding handling depression caused by miscarriage. Find insights, support, and learn from the answers to help yourself navigate through this difficult journey.

 

Can Loss Of Pregnancy Cause Mood Swings?

Yes, miscarriage can cause mood swings, especially after subsequent pregnancies that have been unsuccessful. The primary reason behind this is the hormonal changes that a woman experiences after losing her unborn child. After all, before the miscarriage, a woman’s body is set to adjust itself to accommodate the growing fetus. But when the pregnancy gets terminated, the body needs to make adjustments again, and that process pushes her to deal with a rollercoaster of emotions.

What Are The Emotional Effects Of A Loss Of Pregnancy?

A miscarriage can make you feel a wide array of emotions, and depression is easily one of them, considering you have lost someone you love – a new family member. Granted, you have never met before, but you may experience various stages of grief because of it. Symptoms of depression often include feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, or disinterested in daily activities. At first, you may be in utter shock or feel too numb to cry for your unborn child. When you start feeling again, you may feel self-blame or blame someone else for the loss and spiral down into depression. In fact, some would dread future pregnancies for fear of having another miscarriage. A national survey has shown that many women experience depressive symptoms following a miscarriage, and joining a support group can be helpful in coping with these emotions.

It matters to go through all these emotions since the opposite of that is bottling up everything and being unable to move on from your miscarriage. This is crucial for your mental health and overall well-being.

How Long Does It Take For The Body To Recover From A Loss Of Pregnancy?

A woman’s body typically recovers from a miscarriage in four to eight weeks – perhaps shorter than that with proper follow-up care, enough sleep, and a healthy diet. Nevertheless, the longer you have been pregnant, the longer it may take for you to get rid of your pregnancy hormones. Once you start to menstruate again, it entails that your body has fully recovered.

Can You Have PTSD Following A Loss Of Pregnancy?

Yes, you can have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as well as postpartum depression after a miscarriage. That is true whether you experience this type of loss early or late in the pregnancy, given that you have lost your child before even meeting them. Bipolar disorder and other mental health conditions can also become more pronounced after such a traumatic event. Suicide prevention is vital, and professional mental health intervention is advised for those struggling significantly.

The thing is, you may not realize immediately that the miscarriage has traumatized you. Many women report that they get PTSD and depressive and anxiety symptoms at least a year after the incident. Depression after miscarriage is common and can be exacerbated by various risk factors like previous losses or other health issues.

Should You Rest Following A Loss Of A Pregnancy?

Yes, you should rest after dealing with a miscarriage. That is especially necessary during the first 24 hours of miscarriage, considering you need to watch out for excessive bleeding, fever, and other signs of infection. If you notice these indications, let your doctor know at once.

Give your body and mind time to rest, especially when you experience pregnancy loss.
Source: pixabay.com

However, even when you get discharged from the hospital, you should consider taking a few days or weeks off to boost your physical and emotional well-being. After all, a miscarriage is a massive deal, and it is not easy to accept that you have lost a child – even an unborn one. Support from family and friends during this time is crucial for both emotional and physical recovery.

What Should You Not Do After A Stillbirth Experience?

The primary thing you should not do right after a miscarriage is do sexual activities. Some couples tend to show their optimism for the future by getting pregnant again quickly, but it should not happen until the doctor says the woman can resume having sex. She needs time to heal inside, and doing the horizontal tango too soon will not help the process.

Since a miscarriage typically causes the woman to experience menstrual-like bleeding a few days afterward, you should prepare sanitary napkins instead of tampons. The simple reason is that the latter goes into the vagina, and that may increase your chances of catching an infection. If you need more enlightenment on this, you can join support groups about what women experience following a miscarriage. Some women suffer from psychological distress and major depression, especially those who have had recurrent miscarriages. Psychological morbidity, which is a combination of depression and anxiety, is a major risk factor seen in women with prior history of prenatal loss.

How Will I Know If The Stillbirth Experience Is Complete?

When you are going through a miscarriage, you tend to bleed and feel pain for days. That is normal, especially if you have experienced previous losses early and you are letting the tissue go down naturally. You can tell that the process is complete once you are no longer bleeding or in pain.

Can You Go Straight Back To Work After A Stillbirth Experience?

The answer depends on what caused your miscarriage and how pregnant you were when it happened. Assuming you are still in the first trimester, then you may be able to go back to work after a miscarriage as soon as the doctor gives you a signal to do so. However, if you are in the second or third trimester or due to stillbirth or ectopic pregnancy, you most likely need to get a C-section to remove the unborn child from the womb. In that case, you cannot go straight back to work immediately.

Is A Depression After Miscarriage Considered Bereavement?

A miscarriage is technically not considered bereavement – the decision depends on what companies categorize as such. The reason is that a miscarriage is a particular case that no one can ever prepare for. Some believe that it meets the requirements for paid sick leave, while others specifically put it under bereavement leave. This issue becomes especially pertinent if you are dealing with symptoms of depression following the miscarriage, which may require medical intervention and time off work.

How Much Blood Do You Lose In A Miscarriage?

The answer depends on how long you have been pregnant. Despite that, miscarriage typically starts with spotting. The more your cervix opens after that, the more blood will come out. If the miscarriage happens in the first trimester, the embryo leaves the uterus as blood, too.

Can You Take A Bath Following A Pregnancy Loss?

Yes, you can take a bath after a miscarriage – losing your unborn child is not an excuse to forget personal hygiene. In truth, some doctors may recommend it, given that you want to avoid getting an infection. In case you have had a C-section, you may wrap your belly before cleaning yourself or ask for a sponge bath. The only thing you should forgo after a miscarriage is swimming right after since you are still bleeding then.

What Should I Eat Following A Stillbirth?

  1. Calcium-Rich Foods: As the fetus grows in the womb, the mother’s calcium supply tends to deplete. Thus, when you experience miscarriage, you must stock up on more calcium to keep your bones healthy.
  2. Iron-Rich Foods: Miscarriage causes bleeding, so you need to eat foods that contain a lot of iron. This nutrient is essential in replenishing your blood supply.
  3. Magnesium-Rich Foods: Magnesium is a vital nutrient that is supposed to combat depression – a mental health disorder that most expectant mothers fall into after a miscarriage.

 

Coping is one of the better ways to recover and heal from stillbirth.
Source: pixabay.com

Can I Work During A Miscarriage?

Yes, you can technically work during a miscarriage, especially if you only experience moderate bleeding and slight pain. Though some doctors may encourage you not to do it, you still have the final say on the matter, particularly if you are constantly experiencing depressive symptoms. Nonetheless, if you have miscarried due to a more severe cause – e.g., ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, etc. – it is advisable to avoid working until your body recovers completely.

Can You Get Depressed From A Loss Of Pregnancy?

Yes, it is very common to experience feelings of depression after a miscarriage. Losing your baby through a miscarriage can be emotionally devastating, especially for expecting mothers. Thus, it is natural to grieve and feel extreme feelings of sadness, even anger, guilt, and depression.

The woman’s body goes through a range of changes during pregnancy, and the biggest contributory factor to these are hormonal changes, which come with emotional effects. The sudden shift back to pre-pregnancy hormones can contribute to emotional distress.

The duration and intensity of depression after a miscarriage, of course, can vary from one person to another. Regardless, it is crucial to seek the help of healthcare professionals and the support of loved ones to help navigate through the grieving process and get the appropriate care.

What Are The Physical And Emotional Effects Following A Pregnancy Loss?

When it comes to the physical effects of miscarriage, bleeding (similar to a heavy period) and cramping are common. This can last for several days or a couple of weeks. Some may experience changes in their breasts and fatigue caused by hormonal fluctuations.

Emotionally, the effects of miscarriage vary greatly from one person to another. Some of the most common emotions include sadness, grief, anger, guilt from the loss, and of course, depression.

Everyone’s experience is unique, and everyone has their own coping mechanism for the loss. Whatever it is, it is crucial that you seek professional help and support from your family and friends following a miscarriage, especially if you suspect it to be depression. Counseling and support groups are quite beneficial, too, when it comes to navigating through the emotional aspects of miscarriage.

What Are The Most Common Difficulties Experienced Following A Pregnancy Loss?

There are lots of challenges that come after losing an unborn child. The most apparent is coping with the emotional aftermath of depression, grief, and a sense of loss. Many people struggle with guilt as they question themselves and the things they could have done differently.

When it comes to physical challenges, the recovery process can be daunting as well, as it includes managing post-miscarriage bleeding and discomfort.

Additionally, navigating through relationships and communication with others can be challenging. There will be well-meaning yet potentially insensitive comments sent your way. Also, a lack of understanding from family, friends, and coworkers may exacerbate emotional distress.

How Can You Show Love And Support For Someone Who Suffered From A Loss Of A Pregnancy?

Love and support are definitely the two things someone who went through miscarriage needs, along with understanding, especially if they are showing signs of depression or PTSD. To show you care, the first thing you need to do is to listen attentively and validate their emotions without judgment. Let them know that you are there to listen and offer a compassionate and emphatic presence. Whatever you do, avoid mimicking their grief, and never give unsolicited advice.

You can also do practical gestures like running errands, preparing meals, and offering help with household tasks to ease the physical burden while they recover. Check-in regularly, and send some thoughtful text messages or cards.

More importantly, create a safe and non-judgmental space for them. Let them express their emotions and offer a shoulder to lean on for them.

How Can I Prevent Myself From Getting Anxious Or Depressed From A Stillbirth?

Preventing anxiety and depression after going through a physically exhausting and emotionally draining experience like miscarriage can be quite challenging. Everyone’s grieving process and coping mechanisms are unique. However, there are some ways that may help promote emotional well-being to help you get through such difficult times.

First and foremost, it is important that you allow yourself to grieve. Acknowledge your loss and the emotions that come with it. Never hesitate to seek help from professionals and ask your loved ones and friends for support. You can also seek out support groups who have experienced similar losses to help give yourself the validation and understanding you need.

Also, take good care of yourself and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Get a new hobby or engage in physical activities that help get you busy. Practice relaxation techniques to help you manage your emotions and mood.

Understand that healing takes time, and the heavy feeling of anxiety and depressive thoughts may seep in from time to time. If these negative emotions persist and start affecting your daily function, then you should definitely seek professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in grief and loss.

Final Thoughts

My parents said that I dealt with my miscarriage like a champ. For one, I got rid of my primary stressor – my husband. After what happened, I could not even bear to look at him, so I asked my lawyer to start processing our divorce papers at once. John did not file a counter-affidavit, which made the dissolution of our marriage faster. Eventually, my anxiety symptoms were pacified.

Then, I moved back to my parent’s home for a while, considering I had to be surrounded by my loved ones. The OB-GYN specialist did not require me to go on long bed rest, but I still took a month off to focus on myself, hoping that my depression, whether it was clinical depression or not – would finally go away.

After everything, my only regret was that I didn’t get to hold my child, but hopefully, I’d get to do that someday.

I felt like my world had been shattered into a million pieces. I was dealing with something that no one should ever have to go through – miscarriage. For days, all I could do was feel the immense pain and sadness that consumed me.

But soon enough, the grief began to subside, and it gave way to determination. Despite the heartache, I decided that I wouldn’t let this tragedy define me or stop me from achieving my goals in life. Instead of staying stuck in sorrow, I chose to use this experience as a learning opportunity and vowed that I would learn as much as possible about miscarriages so that if anyone else ever had to face it, they would know how best to move forward too.

For months afterward, I read anything related to pregnancy loss and spent countless hours talking with experts on the subject until I finally became an expert myself! It wasn’t easy, but having access to reliable information helped my healing process immensely because knowledge is power, after all!

My journey didn’t end there, though; the next step for me was finding ways of using what was learned about miscarriages for good by helping others going through similar experiences or simply raising awareness about such a delicate topic so more people can understand what it means and offer support when needed.

By taking control of things instead of allowing them to take over you is never easy but necessary – especially during difficult times like these, where strength can be found within yourself instead of outside sources only! With hard work and dedication, nothing is impossible – even during challenging times like these!