I had a different mindset from my same-aged friends regarding dating when I was growing up. While they were busy worrying about boys as soon as they hit the puberty stage, I buried my face in books. While they kept trying to sneak out of their houses to meet their boyfriends, I was studying hard, perfectly comfortable in my bedroom. In my head, dating could wait until I had a stable job.
This mindset stemmed from the fact that that’s what my mother did when she was young. She did not come from a wealthy family, so when the opportunity came to earn a college degree, she grabbed it with both hands. Of course, Mom had suitors at school, but she turned them all down and remained focused on her personal goals. Everything paid off when she became a doctor and eventually met my father, who was already a successful businessman back then.
The financial stability that I grew up with did not stop me from wanting to make a name for myself someday. If anything, it pushed me to try to be successful in my own right. And that’s what I did, you know. After high school, I went on to become an architect and began designing buildings and hotels. Five years later, I opened my firm and found the love of my life. It was as if there was nothing that could make me unhappy.
Until Losses Rained On My Parade
I honestly thought that I found Mr. Right in John. I met him through friends. He was a businessman like my father and had always been sweet to everyone. Even when we were already dating exclusively, John did not cease sending flowers to my house or firm. Because of that, I did not hesitate to accept his marriage proposal in 2008.
The wedding preparations went on for three months. Much to our surprise, I got pregnant a month before the ceremony, and this fantastic news caused us to speed things up further so that I could still fit in my gown. A week after that, I became Mrs. Butler, and I was over the moon.
Unfortunately, our happiness seemed short-lived since the economic crisis affected my husband’s business too much that he had to close it. I offered to give him a loan, but he did not want to take my money. Still, John could not say no when I began paying for our bills and car mortgages. He could only promise to pay it all back once the Great Depression was over.
I assumed things would calm down after that. I was always at the firm, so I merely saw my husband at night. However, when I came home past 9 p.m. due to a long discussion with my team about a project, I found John drinking in the kitchen. I greeted him and blabbed about how tiring my day was, but his eyes were filled with anger and insecurity as he asked if I was taking a cheap shot at his unemployment.
“No,” I replied immediately. “I’m just saying I’m tired, that’s all.”
I walked across the room to hug my husband, but he swung his arm to push me away. I did not know if John knew how much force was into that swing, but it caused me to land on my bottom – hard. The next thing I knew, I was already sitting in a growing pool of blood, and John stared at me with a horrified expression before I blacked out.
When I woke up at the hospital, my entire body ached. John was not in the room, but my parents were. Tearfully, Mom informed me that I lost my baby. At the time, I was too numb to feel or do anything, but I recalled bits and pieces of information that my mother told me about my situation.
Can miscarriage cause mood swings?
Yes, miscarriage can cause mood swings. The primary reason behind this is the hormonal changes that a woman experiences after losing her unborn child. After all, before the miscarriage, a woman’s body is set to adjust itself to accommodate the growing fetus. But when the pregnancy gets terminated, the body needs to make adjustments again, and that process pushes her to deal with a rollercoaster of emotions.
What are the emotional effects of a miscarriage?
A miscarriage can make you feel a wide array of emotions, considering you have lost someone you love. Granted, you have never met before, but you may experience various stages of grief because of it. At first, you may be in utter shock or feel too numb to cry for your unborn child. When you start feeling again, you may blame yourself or someone else for the loss and spiral down into depression.
It matters to go through all these emotions since the opposite of that is bottling up everything and unable to move on from your miscarriage.
How long does it take for the body to recover from a miscarriage?
A woman’s body typically recovers from a miscarriage from four to eight weeks. Nevertheless, the longer you have been pregnant, the longer it may take for you to get rid of your pregnancy hormones. Once you start to menstruate again, it entails that your body has fully recovered.
Can you have PTSD after a miscarriage?
Yes, you can have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after a miscarriage. That is true whether you experience this type of loss early or late in the pregnancy, given that you have lost your child before even meeting them.
The thing is, you may not realize immediately that the miscarriage has traumatized you. Many women report that they get PTSD symptoms at least a year after the incident.
Should you rest after miscarriage?
Yes, you should rest after dealing with a miscarriage. That is especially necessary during the first 24 hours, considering you need to watch out for excessive bleeding, fever, and other signs of infection. If you notice these indications, let your doctor know at once.
However, even when you get discharged from the hospital, you should consider taking a few days or weeks off to boost your physical and emotional well-being. After all, a miscarriage is a massive deal, and it is not easy to accept that you have lost a child – even an unborn one.
What should you not do after a miscarriage?
The primary thing you should not do right after a miscarriage is doing sexual activities. Some couples tend to show their optimism for the future by getting pregnant again quickly, but it should not happen until the doctor says the woman can resume having sex. She needs time to heal inside, and doing the horizontal tango too soon will not help the process.
Since a miscarriage typically causes the woman to experience menstrual-like bleeding a few days afterward, you should prepare sanitary napkins instead of tampons. The simple reason is that the latter goes in the vagina, and that may increase your chances of catching an infection.
How do you get a flat stomach after a miscarriage?
- Eat healthily. It may not be the first tip you want to hear when your goal is to get a flat stomach post-miscarriage, but eating healthily ensures that you do not fill yourself with snacks and processed foods and drinks. Thus, your metabolism will improve.
- Face and accept every emotion you experience after a miscarriage. Again, it does not sound ideal for grieving women, but you must do it to avoid feeling depressed and overly stressed. These issues may push you to start binge-eating – a habit that will not help you lose weight.
- Try abdominal exercises. The more they make your heart pump more blood, the more you can guarantee their effectiveness.
How will I know if miscarriage is complete?
When you are going through a miscarriage, you tend to bleed and feel pain for days. That is normal, especially if you have experienced miscarriage early and you are letting the tissue go down naturally. You can tell that the process is complete once you are no longer bleeding or in pain.
Can you go straight back to work after a miscarriage?
The answer depends on what caused your miscarriage and how pregnant you were when it happened. Assuming you are still in the first trimester, then you may be able to go back to work as soon as the doctor gives you a signal to do so. However, if you are in the second or third trimester or due to stillbirth or ectopic pregnancy, you most likely need to get a C-section to remove the unborn child from the womb. In that case, you cannot go straight back to work immediately.
Is a miscarriage considered bereavement?
A miscarriage is technically not considered bereavement – the decision depends on what companies categorize as such. The reason is that a miscarriage is a particular case that no one can ever prepare for. Some believe that it meets the requirements for a paid sick leave, while others specifically put it under bereavement leave.
How much blood do you lose in a miscarriage?
The answer depends on how long you have been pregnant. Despite that, miscarriage typically starts with spotting. The more your cervix opens after that, the more blood will come out. If the miscarriage happened in the first trimester, the embryo leaves the uterus as blood, too.
Can you take a bath after a miscarriage?
Yes, you can take a bath after miscarriage – losing your unborn child is not an excuse to forget personal hygiene. In truth, some doctors may recommend it, given that you want to avoid getting an infection. In case you have had a C-section, you may wrap your belly before cleaning yourself or ask for a sponge bath. The only thing you should forgo is swimming right after a miscarriage since you are still bleeding then.
What should I eat after a miscarriage?
- Calcium-Rich Foods: As the fetus grows in the womb, the mother’s calcium supply tends to deplete. Thus, when you experience miscarriage, you must stock up on more calcium to keep your bones healthy.
- Iron-Rich Foods: Miscarriage causes bleeding, so you need to eat foods that contain a lot of iron. This nutrient is essential in replenishing your blood supply.
- Magnesium-Rich Foods: Magnesium is a vital nutrient that is supposed to combat depression – a mental disorder that most expectant mothers fall into after a miscarriage.
Can I work during a miscarriage?
Yes, you can technically work during a miscarriage, especially if you only experience moderate bleeding and slight pain. Though some doctors may encourage you not to do it, you still have the final say on the matter. Nonetheless, if you have miscarried due to a more severe cause – e.g., ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, etc. – it is advisable to avoid working until your body recovers completely.
My parents said that I dealt with my miscarriage like a champ. For one, I got rid of my primary stressor – my husband. After what happened, I could not even bear to look at him, so I asked my lawyer to start processing our divorce papers at once. John did not file a counter-affidavit, which made the dissolution of our marriage faster.
Then, I moved back to my parents’ home for a while, considering I had to be surrounded by my loved ones. The OB-GYN specialist did not require me to go on long bed rest, but I still took a month off to focus on myself.
After everything, my only regret was that I didn’t get to hold my child, but hopefully, I’d get to do that someday.